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Oscar De La Hoya

(EMI Latin) - 2

Round One: De La Hoya’s first track, "Mi Amor," screeches in the background. His voice is high-pitched, sounding as if perhaps Oscar had just suffered a round with the Master of the Low Punch, Andrew Golota. The disc takes on a game of Death Frisbee, being thrown repeatedly into a wall. De La Hoya survives with only a few scratches.

Round Two: The office rocks down to the funky sounds of "Run to Me," the dance version. The judges notice that the background singers are very loud, perhaps to drown out De La Hoya’s attempts to be the next Ricky Martin. The CD is used as the ball in a game of baseball, and the a few writers take turns swinging at Oscar, until a well-timed at bat knocks the disc to the floor in two pieces.

Round Three: The Tyson round. We’ve had enough of Oscar’s musical musings. It’s amateur music from a professional fighter. We take a bite out of the disc, and Oscar goes down for the count. It’s a TKO - Terrible, Kitschy, and Offensive.

Stick to boxing. Pugilism makes for pug-ugly music.

-Terry "Fight Club" Prusser